Sleep

Everyday there lingers an anxiety

which in itself is a problem

but it stems from the fact that

at some point I will try to sleep.

Sleep is not overrated it is essential.

Without sleep I bustle around in a foggy haze

or is it a daze? I count the hours- the minutes

that will bring the time when I can attempt sleep again.

Lie down, fluff the pillows, pick the perfect blanket,

set the thermostat for optimum comfort.

I coder to sleep, i beg for it, i stay quiet

trying to coax what should be inevitable-

but it isn’t.

At night worry kicks in as there limited hours

for the rest I need to have a productive day.

Turn on the tv to drown out the thoughts-

good or bad that occupy my head racing around

like a merry-go-round just circling

or flying loose like a runaway roller coaster car.

Sometimes 600 milligrams is enough

sometimes it isn’t- some people take

200 milligrams and can’t get off the couch.

I feel like a sheep wrangler. Catching some ZZZs

is like trying to catch the bubbles made

by the wands held by little kids.

Melatonin- check. No caffeine after noon- check.

What are the secrets to a good night’s sleep?

Routine- check. Early to bed early to rise

circadian rhythm- nature’s clock

why does it mess with me?

As daytime comes to a close, I see the animals

putting themselves to bed, the stars rise-

tiny flickers of light that appreciate the need for dark.

But my darkness also rises leaving me in limbo.

Will REM come tonight or will tomorrow

be plagued with yawns and fatigue?

I close my eyes and tell myself to just rest.

Is it the pain in my hip, the pain in my shoulder,

the constant tingling and burning in my feet

that no one can diagnose that perhaps

prevent a good slumber?

It’s ok I tell myself-

tomorrow is another day

followed by another night

I try my hardest to release the anxiety

That keeps me awake.